Today may sound like it’s going to be a heavy topic, and in some ways it is, but I feel grief from others and want to offer what has worked for me. Maybe it will help you.
If you look up the word ‘grief’ in the dictionary it sums it up saying ‘deep sorrow over someone’s death’. There’s so much more to grief than death. Many of us may not realize we’re feeling grief because there hasn’t been a recent death in our life. We may blame it on the weather or eating too much when it’s grief we’re experiencing. Grief has to do with loss but change too, because really, when something changes there is a loss of what was.
Some situations may be:
- job / change in career / retirement
- marriage / divorce
- change of a routine
- people moving out
These are just a few, and they aren’t dependent upon whether they were our choice or not.
Everyone handles grief differently and that’s OK. Some may want to be alone, some may push it away and claim there’s nothing there, some may go on a spending or eating binge. And some may feel they’ve moved on from the grief but there’s still an undercurrent flowing.
Why am bringing this up? I think a lot happens around us every day and we just keep on going. We don’t stop and acknowledge we may be grieving. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed is the acknowledgement.
I’ve had a lot of loss in my life. If you’ve read some of my earlier blogs or the Meet Sue page, you know I lost my parents quite young as well as a brother and all 4 grandparents before I was 29. I know after Dad died, I didn’t acknowledge it for quite a while. I had too much work to do. I was traveling a lot at the time and worked long hours. I know that for some people the grieving process can be harder, especially if their loved one had a wrongful death. I’m really sorry if this has happened to you but there are people that can help get what you deserve. If you live in San Diego, you may want to contact Guy Levy Law for help and support. Don’t worry if you don’t live in this area, you can always contact a law firm in your local area for information. I wish you luck with your claim.
Here are a few things that have worked for me and grief relief:
Acknowledge it’s there. You don’t need to make this a whole ceremony, though for some things you may want to. But it can be the simple fact of sitting down, and acknowledging the fact that your days will not be the same. You won’t see the same people gathered around the coffee pot that you had for the past 5 (10, 15) years. Take some time to think about each of the people you were used to seeing and energetically thank them for being in your life or you could send an email or letter if you wanted. And some you may feel you want to and others not. But acknowledge what was there yesterday is different today. And that it’s OK to feel the way you do.
I mentioned ceremony. This is another way to get some grief relief. Take some time to not only acknowledge in thought but light a candle. This is something you can do once or as often as you like. There are times I light a candle each for Mom, Dad and Chris. You can do this for whoever or whatever the situation has to do with. If the death is recent, you might also want to click here to view the various end of life services that funeral homes such as the Riemann Family team offer.
Write an appreciation note. I mentioned writing a letter above. This is similar but this is shorter, and specifically listing what you appreciated about the person or situation. This may not be anything that you’ll share with another, in fact you may burn it after the list is written. This isn’t limited to a person. When I left corporate, I wrote a letter of appreciation to the company for all it has brought me over the years.
Revisiting places. On the 30 year anniversary of Mom’s passing I took the day and did things I remembered her doing with my brothers and I. It was an awesome day and not only was I able to acknowledge her but there were memories that I had forgotten about.
Just be and feel! Feel your emotion(s). Don’t do anything to try to change them, just let them be, feel them. And if you cry, let the tears come until they stop. If you laugh, laugh until you stop. Don’t change them, just feel and let them be.
Give your emotion a voice. This is very powerful. Sit quietly and let your emotions come (as before) to you and give them a voice. Listen to what the emotion has to tell you. It may want a day curled up on the couch in front of the TV or it may want a nice cup of tea and a good book. And it may want a hug!! 🙂
We are human and we are here on this earth to learn. Grief is one of our lessons. Give yourself time to grieve and give yourself credit for what you do to get grief relief.
Angel Blessings to you!
This really hit home today; I lost my parents within a few years of each other & 2 younger brothers; also a very special grandmother when I was in 7th grade. I was in a weird mood and could not quite figure it out. Thank you Sue.
Thanks for the comments Marianne. Hopefully this also helped with some relief… Angel Hugs!